I Can't Believe It's Not Consumable!!

Every time I pull out my ginormous tub of margarine out of my fridge I keep thinking about a number of arguments I have heard over the years rallying against margarine and it's consumption.

One of the creepiest is 'that its only a few ingredients or so away from being plastic.'

or

'Flies won't even eat it.' (is this true?)

or

'It's actually worse for you than real butter.'

I know there are a few more but they have left my brain cavity at the moment. But here are some rebuttals...

McDonalds milkshakes ARE plastic.
Flies eat shit, does that mean it's better for me too?
None of it is good for you, not even olive oil, beyond what everyone thinks. It's all incredibly horrible for you and will make your heart turn into goo.

Here's why I like margarine over butter; I was raised on it, butter tastes weird to me, margarine is convenient in that its easy to spread on stuff, where as butter needs to be warmed up or left out. If you leave out butter it starts to turn rancid. I'm a firm believer in the baseless school of thought that anything from a plant is healthy, much like corn syrup. I mean it comes from corn, how can that be bad for you. High fructose corn syrup...that's like combining fruit and vegetables, so your getting twice as much goodness. I mean thats 2 servings of 1 of the 4 basic food groups right there. Fuck what the FDA says, it's all about the FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS, because everything I need to know I learnt in kindergarten.

I still like margarine, especially since I can get a tub of Sheds Spread from SAMS CLUB for under 4 bux and all that means is that I'm giving $4.00 to Sam Waltons evil empire and their pro Chinese free trade productions lines for the ability to 'butter' up my un-toasted slice of bread with out putting it in the microwave first or risking pulling the soft inner chewiness of the bread off of the crusty framework as I man handle the slab of 'frozen' animal by-product with a cold knife.